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Depression

11/8/2015

“There is a terrible emptiness. I just want to go away, disappear cover myself up until it goes away. It is like pain yet it is not a physical pain. I cannot describe it. It is like every fibre in your body is screaming for relief. How can I describe it? I cannot really. The fact that you are constantly thinking of suicide reminds how fatal depression can be. People do die. When I am depressed I find my mind preoccupied with the past. I seek out something that may be totally unproductive, I go backwards into time and focus on the fact that my grandmother is gone, the occasion is gone...” Milligan and Clare (1988, pg. 17). Quote from Spike Milligan.

Pull the Covers Up Over My Head: A Depression Poem
Suck it up, you say?
Get over it?
If only it were that easy.
I know it’s not rational. It doesn’t make any sense. But that doesn’t mean I can stop it.
A very small little part of my brain tells me I’m in a bad mood for no reason. But there feels like there should be a reason!
I just want to pull the covers up over my head.
I don’t want to try. I don’t want to get dressed or get going or put on my happy face for anyone.
I don’t want to say “fine” when someone asks how I am.
I want to hunker down.
I want to cry for no reason.
Is my depression upsetting you?
Me too.
Are you tired of hearing about it?
Me too.
I don’t like it. I didn’t ask for it.
I don’t understand it.
I do want to feel better. But it feels like a weight is holding me down. I can’t move. I can’t try. I want to. But it’s just so hard.
I wish it would rain healing energy on me right where I am and wash this away forever. I don’t want it anymore.
It is an invisible illness that people don’t understand. Heck, I deal with it every day and I don’t understand it.
I want to tell you how to help me.
I want you to tell me what I need.
I wish I could.

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Post Natal Depression

8/27/2015

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I found an excellent blogging site regarding Postnatal depression called Postpartum Progress that has extensive information for women that are really struggling with motherhood. There are so many examples there that show other woman's journey through pregnancy, birth and after. It will really help you if you are affected by some of the symptoms of PND. They are detailed on my page on Post Natal Depression but I also found this list on the site Postpartum Progress really apt and real.:

You feel overwhelmed. Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.” More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.” You feel like you just can’t handle being a mother. In fact, you may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this. You feel like your baby deserves better. You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don’t feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would. You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
You don’t feel bonded to your baby. You’re not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with postpartum depression feels this way, but many do.
You can’t understand why this is happening. You are very confused and scared.
You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying.
You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time. Or maybe you can fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired you are. Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done. Whichever it is, your sleeping is completely screwed up and it’s not just because you have a newborn.
You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say. You can’t remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
Maybe you’re doing everything right. You are exercising. You are taking your vitamins. You have a healthy spirituality. You do yoga. You’re thinking “Why can’t I just get over this?” You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can’t.
You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is not right. You think you’ve “gone crazy.”
You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.

It is not your fault you are feeling this way but you are not alone and with the correct help you can move on from Post Natal Depression and its grip on you

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I love reading people's quotes . Here are some of my favorites and I keep adding to them.

"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Nelson Mandela

"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake up and live"
Bob Marley

Depression

Post Natal Depression

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